You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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