Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
