What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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