Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Your face is a jimmy john
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
