five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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