Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
