so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
