Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize