I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
