My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
