Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize