How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
