therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
