I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
