I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
it's like iHOP with fire
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
