He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
