It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
