this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
