I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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