Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
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