yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
