Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I am naked and annoyed.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
