I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
