I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
