Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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