she smelled like a LAN party
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
