everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
