My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize