I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Randomize
