Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
