I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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