I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
