I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
