Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize