I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
