Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
