I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
