Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
