wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
