dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
