no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
