she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
