yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
