Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
