Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
