I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
this will be a night to untag.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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