my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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