I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
