Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
high people should be assigned attendants
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
