She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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