"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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