Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
