I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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