I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
