Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
