Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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