I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Farmville is her only friend.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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