she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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