Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
