i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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