He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
