it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
