He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize