Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize