I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
