I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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