Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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