One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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