Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i can't believe i had my finger in that
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
