Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
