and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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