You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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