my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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