i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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