Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
