dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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