You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
