Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My balls are so social today.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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