Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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