i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize