So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
