i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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